Is it normal for cancer patients to act like this...?

My father has cancer of the pancreas which has spread to the liver and lymph nodes. He was given 6 weeks to live. We brought him home to be surrounded by friends and family. The first 2 days went smoothly but last night he became frustrated and demanding. He woke up at 3am telling us that he was getting up to make coffee. (but he can't walk without help). So..we made the coffee for him. Also he is not wanting to stay in the hospital bed. He is demanding to sit in the recliner. He is also demanding that he wears his normal everyday clothes. This would be ok if he was able to care for himself but it is much more difficult to care for him in a recliner and wearing normal clothes. So..what I am asking is...is this normal behavior of a cancer patient? It is really hard on the family too...not to mention heart breaking :(

We are giving my father anything...and everything he wants because we want his last days to be the way he wants to live. I love my father dearly and it is breaking my heart to watch him suffer like this. He can't stand up on his own ..or sit up without something supporting his back. It takes 2 people to help him to the bathroom. There has been a few times when he has almost fallen. My question was only..."is this normal for a cancer patient to be acting like this?" I have never experienced this with anyone before. I sleep on the sofa everynight beside his hospital bed. I am there if he wakes up. My mother and I take turns caring for him so the other one can sleep. My father can't do these things alone and I am a petite woman. It is difficult for me to move his body from the bed..to the recliner.

Please take a few moments and read these articles. You may derive some sense of it all. God is the only one that knows what you and your family are going thru. I pray for strength for everyone in the family.
I recently went thru the death of both my mother and father from strokes. I don't know or presume to know how you feel with your loss, but I kept my sanity thru faith and a strong family ( wife and son). I was the only child and in that position had to make some decisions that still bother me today. Just try to be strong.

God Bless all of you!!! Report It

Let's do a reality check on this.

You have been told you have about a month, maybe a month and a half, total, to live. The last few weeks of that are going to be worse than the first fiew.

For the love of little angels--LET him wear his clothing, LET him sit in his recliner! Surely it's worth the extra work on your part to give the best quality of life for such a limited period of time.

If he was going to be a longer case then hospice would be a better way to go, but he's already home at this point, and unless he defies the odds, you only need to provide your love and support for a very limited time.

I would have to say it is normal. Think about someone telling you that you have six weeks to live and you must spend those six weeks in a bed wearing pajamas. I would be frustrated too. There must be a tremendous amount of stress to knowing that you are dying. I think I would rather not know. Maybe you could speak to someone about it at the hospital. They usually have groups for caregivers that could provide you more insight. Sorry to hear about you dad.

yes. am afraid it is cancer affects the brain. am so sorry for you. my feelings are with you.

I feel for you and him as well. He is behaving normally. Denial anger, and depression are common. He would probably enjoy a visit with a pastor, minister, chaplin, etc. It may get even harder for the family. Hospice is a great service that will pick up expenses for meds, and supplies. This will be important if pain becomes unbearable for him. I have what may be liver cancer as well. I'll find out for sure in Nov. Let him call the shots as much as possible while he can.

Yes, your father is in denial of the fact that he cannot do for himself. He will continue to demonstrate these issues until he finally passes. You must be a little more compassionate in your care for the terminally ill. You have no idea how frustrating it is to be in this situation. I am an 11 year cancer surviver who recently found out that I now have early Alzheimers disease. I want to return to work but Social Security will not help me. (They have a program for this.) I want to try to keep busy to keep my mind clear. At least until I can't remember who I am or how to find my way home. Then I will go to Oregon and have myself put down so I will no longer be a burdon to the state or my family. Thats why I am on the net. I can't deal with this situation. I want to run away.

Because of the different meds he is probably taking it is normal. He may also be trying to assert his independence and trying to make everything seem normal even tho it can't be.In his mind, if he's in his recliner, wearing his normal clothes and can get up to make coffee everything is ok. there is nothing wrong. You know there is and deep down so does he but it's nice to think that there is nothing wrong. Talk to your doctor about this and try to get with a cancer support group from the hospital for your own mental well being. It helps immensely to be able to talk to someone who has gone thru the same thing. My heart goes out to you and your family. It is hard I know but there is help out there http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/supp...
God bless

he's probaly sad about his cancer and just wants thing to be a little more normal im so sorry about this though and i wish u and your family good luck

put yourself in his shoes. sorry m just frustrated with people who are selfish not understanding how it feels like to be told you only have a few days left to live. another word of advice let him talk out all his worries or frustrations. nothing worst than having someone not listening and denying the fact that he is dying and also saying i understand or i know what you are talking about.

First and for most, My prayers are with you, your family and of course your father. I had gone through this with 3 of my loved ones, my father, grandmother and grandfather, all who had passed of some type of cancer. It is going to be so difficult on you and the family more so without hospice, this is very typical behavior of your father, he wants to show he "can" still do things on his own and be independent. I know it is going to so difficult ,BUT try to make his last wishes come true. Be it his normal clothes, his recliner maybe even some of his favorite food, even if he can't eat it he will smell it and have his memory go back in time and remember a time with his wife that was good.
Yes he is having a hard time letting you and the family go, but when he sees that the family will be OK, he will let go a little easier.
My father had a request that seemed so simple, but it was so hard, to see his 3 sons in the same room at the same time before he would let go. You see we all lived far apart and we seemed to miss each other when we visited. One day by chance, we all were there. One by one he took our hands held them and said I Love you son,( Something he NEVER ever said ) kissed the top of our hands, and about 2 hours later while we were all in the other room he had passed. So Yes what your father is doing is VERY normal. God Bless and God speed.......................

I just wanted to say that I will be keeping you in my prayers. I think it is hard for people to face death, even if they are deeply religious. He may still be in denial, hoping that normal everyday routine will somehow change things. It could be that he just wants to feel like he is still part of life even though he is close to passing. Just wearing his normal clothes and sitting in his favorite chair may help him feel more relaxed and more at ease. I am sure that he is scared. Maybe, just for a little while he doesn't want to feel like a cancer patient.

My father was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma a few years back. I thank God everyday that he is now in remission. Cancer can be a cruel disease for both the patient and the family. It's hard to have to face ones own mortality. My dad would crack jokes constantly about his own death. It seemed horrible at the time, but it was his way of dealing with the fact that he might not make it through. It was a coping mechanism.

I would assume that what your father is doing is also his way of coping. I have no doubt that you are a dutiful daughter, just asking a question, seeking out a way to help your father. Remember, take time out for yourself. Do something you love to do for a little bit everyday. Refresh your mind and your body so you can be strong for him.

my heart goes out to you my mom died of cancer and it was horrible she didnt want to go to the hospital so i made her as comfortable as possible i no its hard but try to abide by his wishes let him wear the clothes that he is happiest with it may be a little hard to make these sacrafices but in the long run after he passes you will no that you made his last days his best days ask god to give you strength and courage and he will ease your burden luv ya michael d ill pray for you

i am sorry to hear this. your dad is probably going thru many emotions as he is dying. he is afraid of leaving you all. he has no control over his life and maybe this is his way of having some control. that cancer took his control away. he may be angry that he is dying. i know it has to be hard on all of you, and i am so sorry for all of you.you are all so supportive, just continue to be and just be with him., and make his last days as good as you can.

Wearing his own clothes and sitting up in a chair, maybe his favorite, are connections to a normalcy. A normalcy he will never again experience.
Although it may be unbelievably difficult, try to do what you must to make his final days comfortable and pleasant. And, remember, some of this is the cancer or medications talking. God Bless You.

yes it is normal. i lost my sister to cancer. i spent all my time with her. talk to him. let him know how you feel. the worst thing you can do it pretend that everything is ok. they know it's not. he needs to vent. let him. allow yourself to feel and vent too. he needs to hear that you are just as upset as he is. be yourself..that is who he loves. i'm not saying cry everyday or whine but don't be afraid when you talk to your dad to open up. wish you all the best. tis a rough road ahead as well. take care and god bless.
as for him wanting his recliner and normal clothes. why shouldn't he? it's tough but it's also your father. try to put yourself in his place. also... find out what he wants when he does pass.... clothes, service. it will make it a bit easier on both your mom and u.